You are worried about (or looking forward to) the impending Zombie Apocalypse.
When the undead hordes begin to rear their ugly, insatiable heads and turn their sights on YOU, you want to be prepared. A comprehensive collection of zombie tools are just the thing to ensure you aren’t easy fodder when your zombie-fied friends and neighbors come knocking down your door. There are plenty of so-called zombie tools on the market, but most are barely better than a gag gift.
That’s why we’ve assembled a comprehensive list of the zombie tools you need. Whether you are looking to fortify your own chances of survival, or give a practical gift to your favorite zombie-phobe, this site is for you.
Looking to buy a funny zombie tools or survival kit? Check out this guide.
What Are the Best Zombie Tools?
After looking over the so-called zombie tools on the market, we’ve determined that anyone serious about zombie preparedness will have to assemble their own zombie tools kit. After all, first aid kits designed for minor cuts/scrapes is really not gonna suffice when your friend has just had his hand bit off by a zombie. You get the picture.
We think the best strategy is to assemble your own kit of zombie tools. The gear below has been hand selected to cover basic survival in the specific event of a zombie apocalypse. Best of all? The gear can double as a bug-out bag in the less likely scenario of other emergencies such as a pandemic or earthquake.
Check out our reviews of each product below the table. We’ll tell you why it’s on our must-have list.
|Gerber 30-000601 Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit||Silent Weapons||$$$$||4.2|
|LifeStraw Personal Water Filter||Water||$||4.6|
|Gerber 31-000699 Bear Grylls Survival Series Fire Starter||Heat||$||4.4|
|ER Emergency Ration 2400+ Calorie, 5-Year Emergency Food Bar for Survival Kits and Disaster Preparedness (Pack of 4)||Food||$||4.5|
|Energizer Weatheready 3-LED Carabineer Rechargeable Crank Light, Red||Light||$||4.5|
|Casio Men’s SGW100-1V Digital Compass Twin Sensor Sport Watch||Navigation||$$||4.3|
|5 Pack BaoFeng BF-888S Long Range UHF 400-470 MHz 5W CTCSS DCS Portable Handheld 2-way Ham Radio with Original Earpiece *5 pcs + Baofeng Programming Cable (Support WIN7,64 Bit)*||Communication||$$$||4.0|
|Elite First Aid Fully Stocked Rapid Response Trauma First Aid Bag||First Aid||$$||4.1|
|SAS Survival Handbook, Revised Edition: For Any Climate, in Any Situation||Survival Guide Book||$||4.6|
Essential Zombie Tools Checklist
According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC) any respectable zombie tools kit should address the following essentials:
- First Aid
- Tools and Supplies
- Sanitation and Hygiene
- Clothing and Bedding
- Important Documents
Generally we agree. However, CDC seems to be assuming we will be hold up in our houses during a zombie apocalypse and so focus on stockpiling as one would during an electrical storm. We think that is an unlikely scenario. First off, a zombie apocalypse (like many other emergency scenarios) can strike anywhere at anytime. Second, zombies are actively trying to get to you. Most homes (stockpiled or no) aren’t fortified to withstand aggressors.
It’s more likely that in the first days of a zombie outbreak, survival will require you to be on the move. We think portability is the key to the ideal zombie tools kit. Gear should be:
- hands-free (you need those hands for fending off zombie attacks)
- functional without modern conveniences like wifi, electricity
We think it is also reasonable to add the following essentials to the CDC list:
- Weapons (yeah, we get it CDC, you couldn’t really encourage the population to arm themselves…)
Zombie Tools Reviews
Zombie Tools Essential: Weapons (Silent)
Rating: 4.2 (out of 5)
Zombie Tools Include:
- One Gator machete
- One Camp II axe
- One Gator Pro machete
- One Parang machete
- One LMF II Infantry knife
- One DMF Folder knife
- One Epic knife
- One portable carrying case
If Gerber is good enough for The Walking Dead, it is good enough for us. Not only was a Gerber knife kit like this one featured on the Walking Dead episode “What Lies Ahead“, but Gerber is actually a trusted name in survival tools and weaponry.
Best of all, these are all silent weapons. If there is anything we’ve learned from zombie movies and playing Splinter Cell, it’s the importance of killing without detection. Also, it’s a sustainable weapon. No need to depend on stockpiling ammo or finding a sporting goods store to loot when you’ve run out. Finally, it is portable. This bad boy could even be stored in your car and pass a police pull-over without incident. After all, it’s easier to explain why you have a knife kit in the car than why you’ve got a semi-automated weapon in your trunk (“Don’t worry officer, this is ONLY for zombies…”probably isn’t going to fly).
Zombie Tools Essential: Water
Rating: 4.6 (out of 5)
- Filters up to 1000 liters of contaminated water!
- Removes at least 99.9% of waterborne bacteria and parasites
Stockpiling water is just not practical for zombie survival. This is the most effective, lightweight and portable water filtration system we could find. It’s won awards and doesn’t require chemicals or batteries. With dead bodies and other toxins leaching into the water supply, you’ll need it. You need 2-3 liters of water a day, so one of these bad boys should last a single human about 333 days or a year. That’s pretty sustainable. We’d recommend one for each family member.
Zombie Tools Essential: Heat / Tools
Rating: 4.4 (out of 5)
Zombie Tools Include:
- Fire starter kit with starter
- Rod and lanyard
- Pocket survival guide
Heat is necessary for basic survival and cooking. This firestarter has the Gerber quality behind it and everything you need to get a fire started. It’s sustainable (no matches, or fuel to run out and it’s waterproof), lightweight (just 4-4/5 inches when closed, with a weight of 2-3/5 ounces) and portable. Just remember to build your fires discreetly: nothing attracts zombies like a bright light and lots of smoke.
ER Emergency Ration 2400+ Calorie, 5-Year Emergency Food Bar for Survival Kits and Disaster Preparedness (Pack of 4)
Zombie Tools Essential: Food
Rating: 4.5 (out of 5)
- 3-day survival pack for one person: Approved and certified as a 3-day survival supply by USCG and US Department of Homeland Security
- 5-year shelf life
- Ready-to-eat bars
- No trans fats, cholesterol, coconut, tropical oils or nuts
You’ll need several of these packs, depending on how many days you expect to be roaming before you can get another food plan together. We’d say at least a week of provisions are necessary, so two of these packs per person. Obviously, a limited supply of food isn’t sustainable (even lightweight, portable food). Longterm you’ll need to use the other tools in your survival kit to forage for food (see Weapons, Tools and Guides) or find a building that is already stockpiled to loot.
We like that these bars are nutritious and sufficient for keeping you energized enough to fight and avoid becoming zombie food. They are also tasty enough that you won’t balk at eating them if the Zombie Apocalypse does not manifest before their 5-year expiration date.
Zombie Tools Essential: Light / Tools
Rating: 4.5 (out of 5)
- 3 bright white Nichia LEDs (never need replaced)
- Carabiner clip attaches to anything
- Battery-free: Crank to charge
Utilities are unreliable in an emergency, especially a Zombie Apocalyse. Ideally, you will include another battery powered flashlight in your zombie tools kit. But, batteries aren’t sustainable: a kinetic flashlight is. If you truly want to be prepared for the worst, this super lightweight flashlight that can be clipped to a belt loop, backpack, tactical vest (etc, etc) is the way to go.
5 Pack BaoFeng BF-888S Long Range UHF 400-470 MHz 5W CTCSS DCS Portable Handheld 2-way Ham Radio with Original Earpiece *5 pcs + Baofeng Programming Cable (Support WIN7,64 Bit)*
Zombie Tools Essential: Communication / Tools
Rating: 4 (out of 5)
- 5 x BaoFeng BF 888S (UHF 400 469.995Mhz)
- 5 x Earphone,5 x 3.7v 1500m
- Ah Li ion Rechargeable Battery
- 5 x SMA Female Antenna
- 5 x Belt Clip,5 x ENG Manual
- 5 x Desktop Charger (100V /240V)
- 5 x Wrist Strap
- 1 x Baofeng Programming Cable (Support WIN7, 64 Bit PC)
We can’t think of any zombie scenario that doesn’t involve some disruption of utility and communication services. With no electricity or internet, the consensus is that ham radios are really a must-have for any zombie tools kit. Here’s an interesting summary of why.
These quality walkie talkies have a 6 kilometer range (that’s over 3.5 miles). We’ve got earphones, belt clips and wrist straps for portable, hands-free communication that lets you de-capitate a zombie with your Gerber axe while simultaneously alerting other team members that the hoard is headed their way. Five units are more than sufficient for a core zombie survival team. While you are waiting for the zombies to rise, you’ll get plenty use out of these for hunting, group outings, emergencies (ham radios are already in use organizing in hurricane disasters and the like) or just general ham-radio fun.
Zombie Tools Essential: First Aid
Rating: 4.1 (out of 5)
We had to dig a bit for a first-aid product that would meet the minimal needs for a Zombie Apocalypse. Here’s why we chose this one: With blood stopper kits, suture set and a tourniquet this product comes closest to preparing you for zombie-related injuries. Further, this kit was custom designed “by request of elite military units” who wanted a compact and lightweight trauma kit. This one only weights 2.5 lbs.
Zombie Tools Essential: Guide / Tools / Documents
Rating: 4.6 (out of 5)
You might have expected us to recommend The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead by Max Brooks. Definitely a must-read, but we feel that if you can only pack one guide in your zombie tools kit, it should probably be a comprehensive guide to survival. Based on the author’s 26 years in the SAS (Special Air Service), we think this is a winner.
Of course, you will need a way to keep this (and ‘important documents’– we haven’t forgotten about you, CDC!) from ruin by water or spurting blood, so consider adding this to your survival kit as well:ALOKSAK Water / Sand Proof Dry Bags (Multi 4 Pack – Small)
which are guaranteed to waterproof your stuff.